MADGE · FUNTIME

I feel a lot like writing my ~feelings~ lately but at the same time I don't really know what to say about them...? Is this weird? Like, I saw a postsecret the other day about someone thanking someone for convincing them not to commit suicide. And I kind of thought, I wonder if I've ever changed someone's life like that? I sort of hope I have. Or will in the future anyway.

I feel...conflicted. I always see myself as being extremely selfish (and other people do too it seems), but at the same time I'm...not? Annie told me last Friday that I need to start "standing up for myself" because I do "so much" for other people. But I don't know...what I do? I only really hang out with people when it's convenient for me, and I like helping people with their problems but I almost want to do it so that later they can thank me for it and I can pat myself on the back for it...or something. I don't know. I would like for people to think of me as someone who'll do anything for them, but by thinking that does that make it solely for my self-benefit? IT CONFUSES ME. I don't know what to think of myself. I'm rambling.

Besides being selfish I am also jealous but I suppose those two run hand-in-hand. Those are my least favorite character traits about myself. The second on that list would probably be my shyness...I think I come across as rude sometimes because of it.

But why focus on the negatives!!! Let's think of the positives. I like the fact that when I -am- in a bad mood, it's usually relatively easy to cheer me up, as long as someone knows how to do it. I laugh pretty easily...I think I attract people that way. I think I'm pretty, too. (Or most of me, anyway.) Erm, I think I'm smart but I feel like I don't act smart sometimes, or that people don't really pick up on it...? I feel like people (people? I use "people" a lot. others?) think of be as being more naiive than I actually am in a lot of respects. Mehhh mleh heh.

I want people to think I'm unique and cool!!! But I don't know how to do that.

-Maggster

National Portfolio Day was yesterday. The lady from MCAD seemed to like my stuff and said I could probably end up getting a scholarship out of it, so that was pretty good, I just have to finish it up and get it in. My mom and I ate at Chili's afterward and went shopping for bras (for me) and uh...it was interesting to say the least.

Today I woke up kinda late and lied about going to church. I did my giant tower of laundry and Maggie came over and we went to Wendy's. I'm pretty sure everyone there was stoned...the girl that was behind the counter was just somewhere else. Then we had to leave quickly because apparently a guy that works there likes to come up to random people and start talking and won't stop, so we left. Then we went back to my place and played Super Monkey Ball, which didn't last long because we couldn't focus for very long. And that...pretty much sums it up. I have school 2 days this week but I'm thinking they'll be fairly easy. I just wanna be off.

-Maggster